To answer where I have been, I have to explain how I was… back in 2015. Around the end of that year, for the first time in a long time, I was very mentally and physically healthy. I did a lot of work to get there. I walked or ran 5-6 times a week, did yoga twice a week, worked hard on goals toward my writing, and kept my family taken care of. I was majestic.
Yeah, I was going to better! Awesomer!
THE BESTEST!That’s not what happened in 2016.
A lot of things happened. Some things I blogged about on here, until I didn’t. For the sake of simplicity, I’ll start from the beginning. In December of 2015, despite my vitamins playing a role in getting me healthy, I decided presents were more important than buying new ones. And I also lapsed in my exercise because “Holidays are about fun and exercise is not.” Once 2016 started, I struggled to consistently exercise. Part of that was because I had started my part time job at the comic shop and folding something new into a destabilized routine ended in multiple failures.
Summer then came. The disruption of kids on vacation, and prioritizing them first, meant writing, exercise, and also house cleaning were in total disarray. I realized at this point I had to do something to get things under control, but I mistook this as me not having my priorities set. I was just lacking a realistic view on my life and planning poorly.
Summer also brought lots of pet emergencies that lasted into fall. Romeo (dumb dog) had a lump (it was basically an injury, fluid pocket), Oreo had a lump (zit), Makoto (chicken) had a prolapsed vent from soft eggs and got her butt attacked by the others, and then there was Cupcake… We thought it was a UTI, but it turned out to be something that took three different vet clinics and $5,000 to discover was sludge (not crystals as is normal) in her bladder… Despite all the efforts, we couldn’t make her better and she passed in fall, around Thanksgiving.
Also in summer, my husband decided to leave the job he had been in for over eighteen years. In fall he changed jobs and I decided to try having a second part time. So here we were adjusting to all this and the weirdest thing happened. I got a new group of friends. Friends I did stuff with a lot. I was always busy! I started hanging on to life by the skin of my teeth! Things slipped through the cracks a lot…
When 2017 came around, I realized I couldn’t keep going on like this. My resolution this year was to get back in control of my life and work towards 2015 me again.
So, my exercise is quite constant these days, I am not blinded sided by up-coming events, my house is lived-in-clean (I’ll never have it Better Homes and Garden style), and I am finally feeling like I have a stable life. But reaching this point made me realize how important writing had been to the great mental health of 2015 me. Reaching my goals gave me accomplishments and positive moments to feed off of. Having stories to work on gave my mind a safe place to go so I could avoid the cycle of negative thoughts I sometimes enter. It also gave me a community that even my new friends couldn’t replace.
Basically, what I am saying is… I’m back. And because it has been so long this is going to be a little bumpy. Cheer me on?