The week of the 15th things started going downhill because my family’s only car had alternator/tension rod issues. That ended the week with a mechanic’s bill.

And as for this week, there was a health concern with my oldest dog, which means I automatically started fearing she’d have to be put down. My husband and I were losing sleep, and seriously afraid. This dog is our family’s first dog. She’s 11. Things start getting a little scarier and very serious at this doggy age. In the end, it was something that we thankfully stopped from getting worse and she’ll recover (though she might have relapses).

So with all the above… I haven’t been the most settled soul. I’ve been all over the place emotionally (well, in the negative at least). I started slipping. On my worse day I had 6 or 8 smokes. I was all over the place, but not once did I go back to my usual 20-30 a day (I’m pretty sure I never made it over 8, and if I did it was only to 10 at most).

Anyways, I’m back at smoking 2 a day. (Same times as before.) And last night I got told some encouraging stuff. My husband is freaked out. See we have money, a considerable amount of money. He was worried he didn’t pay a bill or something. Yeah. That right there made me feel bad for slipping and not being at my goal yet. However, it also encourages me not to give up.

Despite having more to say, I’ll leave it at that (it is my birthday and I have things to do — Nothing exciting really, but still got things). Please, keep encouraging me. I’m still trying. Not giving up.

The Long Weekend:
Friday the 13th, I broke a picture frame’s glass and cut myself up on it. (This is where the carnival of ouchies started.)  Tried watching Geisters, but it sucked in my opinion (and I gave it a fair shot… I watched 6 episodes). Smoked the usual 2 that day.

Saturday it snowed hardcore.  We’re talking drifts that reached my waist ans the lowest parts reaching my calves (on average it was around my knees).  Had to shovel so my husband could get in the driveway when he got home… I did that for 2 hours and did not finish the driveway.  No anime (since kids were home) and because I stayed up late (till 12:30am) the usual 2 cigarettes was 3.

Before we do Sunday, I must state that (OW! freaking finger stop trying to type!) that my kids have not seen me or my husband smoke since we became “non-smokers.”  We have hidden our sanity smokes.

Now, Sunday… Honestly I can’t remember much of Sunday other than I discovered the cuts on my tongue that day & that night while going to bed is when I hurt my typing hand.  It was a 2 smoke day.

Monday is something to go Squee about.  First of all, I didn’t hurt myself.  Kids were home for MLK Jr Day.  I started reading a web comic I stumbled across.  I drew a little.  AND!!!!! (Ow!)  I smoked 1.5 cigarettes.  Yes, 1 freaking point 5.  One and a half!  I’m proud of this.

Today:
My husband is off from work today, but he’ll be heading out the door in a few to hit the dentist.  So I thought I’d do some house-y stuff.  Once he’s back… I dunno torn between heading out & buying a DVD or staying in and finishing watching Gun X Sword.

General:
I’ve conquered my morning need for nicotine.  However, it is my afternoon/night need that is harshest. (You know when kids are around… go figure, right?)  That said, I’m going to stop reporting daily on this.  Though I’m not sure about regular blogging returning just yet.  I’m not done my journey, but a big rough patch is thru.  I think we’ll be hitting another rough patch soon.  But now it is all good.  That’s what matters.

Yesterday (Thursday):
Let’s just start with the “Hahahahaha, that was so cute of me!”  It was sooooo cute that I thought we’d cut down to 1 cigarette yesterday.  We could have done it… But thing is, after work, hubby forgot.  He whipped one out for each of us.  And once I see them…  It got smoked (2:30pm).  So we thought about cutting out the 8pm one. Kids must have sensed it.  They were pushing hubby’s buttons, and indirectly mine.  So yeah… still smoked two.

Other than that, drank two 16 oz. cups of tea and one 12 oz. can of soda before noon (can’t drink caffeine after that because of insomnia issues)… Which is why I actually got cleaning done.  And while I cleaned there was anime.  I tried getting into Geisters: (Is it Fractions or Factions?) of Earth…  So could not.  After six episodes, I didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything going on.  I switched over to Knight Hunters: (there’s supposed to be a word here but I forget.. It might start with E?  Eternity?).  While better than Geisters, not super awesome.  Due to return of tv shows we love, no Gun X Sword enjoyed (we’re like half through the series).

I did not work on the blanket because I need a break from crocheting.

Today:
Basically the fact I dominate the bedroom stuff, and I’ve let it become messy on the dresser, got my husband’s icky buttons yesterday.  That’s getting fixed today (this is gonna be interesting… aka my bedroom might make me suffer).  Probably more anime as well.

Future:
Like I said early on, kids have 3 day weekend (Which means no anime for me, damnit). So… Don’t expect a post till Tuesday. Might post if something bad or something super good happens.

Yesterday (Wednesday):
I had caffeine.  Two Pepsi Max.  I actually cut my stupid moments down to very few… However, I was pacey and perpetually sucked on mints. (So was I chain minting?)  I also managed to wash all the laundry.  I was very surprised I remembered what I was doing, but I thank the caffeine for that.

As for anime…  While I did the pacing and the laundry, I watched Black Blood Brothers.  I actually really enjoyed it (it told two stories at once), even if it was freaking obvious about a couple of things.  Though there are things they didn’t answer…  Really they should make all the light novels into anime.  And at night I watched more Gun X Sword with my husband.  The opening of this show is awesome.  They have shadows of people and once you meet them in the story, they fill in.  Next episode I watch all but one will be filled in.  That way the opening credits don’t ruin the show!

As for the smoking sticks… Had 2 (2:30pm & 8pm).

Today:
We talked about it yesterday & today we’ll be doing only the 8pm smoke!  Other than that, trying different form of caffeine (tea), anime, working on blanket, and I should probably clean.

Draculara’s hand annoyed me. A lot. (Why is girl child changing doll clothes so early in the morning?)  And dogs keep opening/shutting CD-rom drive. A lil GRRRRR….

Yesterday (Tuesday):
My husband had the day off, so we went to Half Price Books (the awesomest bookstore).  I walked through the place like a zombie unable to concentrate and so forth.  I ended up getting nothing, but picked out a book for my kids to share about mythical creatures.   Followed that by going to Hong Kong Buffet (Chinese food yum).  Managed to act human whole time out.  But it was a lot of effort so the first slip happened early.

Anime of the day was started at this point.  Gun X Sword (watched 8 episodes). Husband had Dentist appointment, so I did kid homework.   I’ll be watching this with him after kids go to sleep… Which means I have to pick another anime to watch today.

Progress on my crochet blanket was minimal yesterday.  Was out most of day.

2 cigarettes- 12pm, 8pm…  Once this pack is gone there will be no more slips. I dunno where pack is (husband is the one that whips them out).  I dunno how many are left.

Today:
Anime, laundry, and possibly having caffeine for the first time Saturday.

Yesterday (Monday):
Anime choice was Magic Knight RayEarth (20 eps, 10 hours of anime)…  So transparent. I saw everything coming despite sleeping through most of it.  I fell asleep beginning of ep 2 and awoke ep 4 and pretty much knew what had been going on.  I slept a lot yesterday.  When awake, couldn’t maintain a thought more than a second.

“I want to eat something.  I think we have french fries. French fries with cheese?  Do I have cheese? Yes, there is cheese.  Why do I want cheese?”  I’d think something is “Brilliant!” than I’d forget what it was because I used up my energy being excited about the brilliant.

That all said, more slippery than day before.  2 cigarettes.  2:30pm & 8pm.  Mostly due to desiring being coherent.  And my husband (fellow sufferer) had bad day yesterday.  He had to yell at neighbors for blocking our driveway so he could go to work.  That messed him up and… that story takes a lot to type and my brain clarity waning.

Today:
Half priced books.  More anime. Likely less sleep.

Yesterday (Sunday):
Woke up after crappy sleep (insomnia on lots of levels).  Tv + under bed covers + crocheting= day.  I was mostly a nonsmoker.  See, I had 1 cigarette at 8pm.

Today:
Get kids to school. Sleep all day.  Anime.  Crochet.

Because my kids are a handful, my husband (smoker and fellow resolution sharer) and I discussed this and decided it would be better to quit smoking once they were back in school.  Monday they’ll be in school for a full week and this seems like the best time to do it.  On Sunday, we’ll begin that lifestyle.

Here are some things you have to know about me when I quit.

Number one: I become stupid.
I have A.D.D.  Have since I was a kid (diagnosed in 2nd grade).  When I stop smoking, my focus utterly and completely dies (and I’m not talking for days, but weeks).  I cannot complete a proper thought for the first 3 days.  After that I slowly gain it back.  This means, I get stupid.  ”Why am I in the bathroom?”  ”I need…  I… I need… I something…”

Number two: My body hates me.
I’m a sleep fiend as it is (9 hours a night).  I sleep even more the first few days. Additionally, last time I tried to do this I discovered my digestive system had become dependent on my smoking to work… You don’t want details. Also I get aches… Not in the stomach, but all over, so I move slow (my power animal the sloth could so beat me in a race).  I have lots of physical things I go through.  I end up not happy.

Number three: I get emotional.
I have a “Cuban temper” (I’m first generation, after all).  It gets worse.  I also get needy.  And above all else I get teary and down.  I’ll be a little bit of an emotional mess.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because, becoming a non-smoker is hard.  And I need support. I’ll be blogging starting Monday.  My first few blogs… (See Number one).  I may have slips.  I may have nonsense.  I’ll tell you what I did the day before and what I plan to do that day.  Stupid things.  Stupid things that need cheer-leading.  I need your help to counteract all the yucky stuff I’ll be going through.

If you’re wondering what my method(s) is(are), I’ll discuss after I complete my resolution.  That said, I hope to see your replies/words of support come Monday.

For a long time I’ve wanted a set of Q-Workshop Dice (you know, polyhedrals for those role playing game things).  The thing is, unlike my husband (he’s had his skull set for two years now), none of the themes spoke to me.  When my husband requested a list of things from me, I decided to take another look at them.  I finally fell in total love with a set.  I asked for it, and I got my brown and yellow, steampunk dice.

The thing I really wanted this holiday season was Manga Studio Debut 4 (EX was way out of our gift budget, so I wanted Debut).  This is an art program that is for making comics.  Now my drawing style leans towards anime/manga, so I thought it would be a great fit for me (plus, Leigh kept saying she loves the pens in it and she’s my drawing guru yada yada yada).

Since the kids are home and distracting me, I’ve been drawing a lot and getting used to it.  Here’s a couple of things I drew in it:

Anyways, sorry for taking so long to post again.  The kids have been a handful.  I’ll be posting regularly from now on.  In fact… Well, you’ll find out Friday about that.

So, what were your favorite presents this holiday season?  Get a good book?  Something awesome?  Something geeky?  Tell me!

Winter Tree by Me!

I say “Happy Holidays” because I’m friends with people of different religions.  This is not an attack on Christmas.  I just wish not insult my friends that read this and do not celebrate Christmas.  Additionally, with my holiday stuff in gear, I do not have the time to hunt down every day my friends celebrate their holiday and put a greeting.

That said, I am very busy.  My youngest has been sick most of the week with a fever that is like a ninja (it hides and pops up out of nowhere with vengeance).  I also have baking to do.  My bff is very excited about my promises of rum cake and so is my husband’s coworker.  Santa needs cookies.  And I need cookies too. The kids will be on break.  Obligations, traditions, and special times are coming.  That’s why for all of next week, the blog will be silent.

I’ll likely be back the 26th discussing the awesome I’ve gotten.  But, no promises as I’ll be under attack the kids will be on break.